Let's Talk Turkey. 

(No not those two Bozo's....I just had to use the photo.)


Cooking a turkey is a lot like making a Martini....begin, and someone will show up to tell you how your doing it wrong. 


Well here's how the Olde Rumbear handles the task around Rumbear Manor.  Yeah that's right, moi.  See, Mrs Rumbear, she does not like turkey......at all.  Particularly the two in the photo, but, I digress...... from the festiveness of the post.

Turkey on the Weber

Use indirect heat.  (that means put the coals off to the side)  Go to the Weber site, they have rails for the coals. Prepare an aluminum foil drip pan to go between the rails. This provides basting stuff for later. Start the coals so they are grey when you place the bird on the grill.  Use Mesquite if you want heavy smoke flavor. Finally, prepare an aluminum hat for the turkey. This is a 8 x 8 inch piece of foil that rest on top of the turkey while cooking. Think warm moist breasts. 

Still thinking? Get your mind out of the gutter, we have work to do.

Now it's time to prepare the turkey.  Make friends with your turkey.  Give it a name.  More importantly, give it a bath.  Cold water.  pull out the packages of innards from BOTH ends. Flush with cold water. Rinse off all of the feather residue.  I likes my turkey clean.  Place the turkey on a rack and let drip dry.

Grab your ingredients and get them lined up. In no particular order:

Olive oil

Garlic salt

1/4 to 1/2 stick of butter. (yeah butter, get over your bad self)

Chopped garlic. The more the merrier

Diced onion.  The dried stuff work well

Black pepper

Sea salt

Chopped bacon (bacon?)

Now back to old what's his name.  Stand him on his head.  Yup, hold em by the legs and add some cubes of butter, garlic, garlic salt, black pepper, onion, and a touch of sea salt.  I have no idea what a "touch" is so just add the right amount and you will be fine. The goal is to get the ingredients waaaaay back in the bird.  Do not add all ingredients because you're going to do it again when the bird is laying in the rack.   

Now place the turkey face down and grab some olive oil.  Pour it on the back and use your hands to massage it all over the bird.  Then flip the bird over and do the same on the top. Now you all slimy and feeling good.  Put the bird in a roasting rack and wash your hands.  Now add the rest of your ingredients to the interior of the bird.  That's right more butter, garlic, garlic salt, black pepper, onion, and a touch of sea salt.  Next sprinkle some on the outside of the bird and rub it around to spread evenly. (our dog will love the crisp skin of the bird) Wash your hands and last, but not least, add one heaping tablespoon (is that the big one?) of bacon bits.  Throw it in with flair.

Now carry the rack out to the grill with the grey coals.  place the bird in the middle of the grill, cover with the hat, and let er go.  I check mine every 40 minutes or so.  More frequently as the cooking goes on.  I use a turkey baster for it's actual purpose to grab the drippings out of the foil pan and spread them on the bird. I cook a 11 lb bird around three hours.  Use a thermometer to check.  You mileage may vary.

When the bird has reached optimum temperature.  Take it off the grill and let it sit for 10 minutes or so.  Carve up the bird and enjoy.

Next time we will discuss turkey sammiches.