YOU, Want to Date My Daughter?

Application for Permission to Date My Daughter

NOTE:

This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

BACKGROUND SECTION:

Name:

Date of Birth:

Height:

Weight:

IQ:

GPA:

Social Security #:

Drivers License #:

Boy Scout Rank and Badges:

Home Address:

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No

Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No

If No, explain:

Number of years they have been married:

If less than your age, explain:

ACCESSORIES SECTION:
Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No
A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No
A waterbed? __Yes __No
A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No
A tattoo? __Yes __No
An earring, nose ring, pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring? __Yes __No

(If you answered 'yes' to any of the above, discontinue application and leave premises immediately. I suggest running.)

ESSAY SECTION:
In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you?:
In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you?:
In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you?

REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend:How often you attend:When would be the best time to interview your:
Father?
Mother?
Pastor?

SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by completing each sentence. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.
If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:
If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
A woman's place is in the:
The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
What do you want to do IF you grow up?
When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:
What is the current going rate of a hotel room?

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

Applicant's Signature: (that means sign your name, moron!):

Mother's Signature:

Father's Signature:

Pastor/Priest/Rabbi:

State Representative/Congressman:

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases.