Saturday, December 30, 2006
Saddam Hussien is dead.
Ramsey Clark is unemployed.
That's two good things!
Varifrank has the headline "Saddam Disagreed With Bush About Invading Iraq - MSM" Hey, hey.....
However, I believe ole Lex sets the right tone for this event in history. (Bookmark his site...it's always a good read.)
There is no need for us to take any kind of pleasure in this death, nor to feel compelled to issue any predictions about what the future might bring, but we should at least allow ourselves a certain degree of satisfaction that the closing of this particularly brutal chapter in the annals of human governance represents a step forward along the pathway of human progress.
Progress........the river is slow, but the earth is patient.
Friday, December 29, 2006
Thursday, December 28, 2006
During these serious times, people of all faiths should remember these 4 religious truths:
1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people
2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah
3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.
4. Mormons do not recognize each other at Hooters.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
A Zen Master walks up to a hot-dog seller, and says: "Make me one with everything."
How do you get down from an elephant? You don't, you get down from a duck.
At the rum factory loading dock, all of the workers speak in verse. It shows that rhymes fly when you're heaving rum.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Friday, December 22, 2006
39 THINGS YOU SHOULD'VE LEARNED BY NOW
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel sogood.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a biscuit in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize amistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy fridge.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25. It's not the jeans that make your butt look fat.
26. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, & never will achieve, its full potential, that wordwould be "meetings".
27. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".
28. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
29. You should not confuse your career with your life.
30. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
31. Never lick a steak knife.
32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we put the clocks back.
34. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
35. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
36. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
37. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
38. Your friends love you anyway.
39. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
"GOOD MORNING, WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA "
"Press "1" if you speak English."
"Press '2' to disconnect until you can
Remember the Ex Clinton National Security Advisor, you know, the one caught sneaking "highly classified" documents out of the National Archives? Yeah Sandy Berger, (Burgler?) that's him. Well the details of his cloak and dagger methods are coming out. After secreting the documents in his pockets and socks he wandered out a side door for a "break" from his grueling work of reviewing documents. Seems he deposited the purloined papers in a nearby construction site. He then retrieved the papers upon leaving the archives after a long day involving the "mishandling of classified information". At least that's what he plead guilty to.
Having committed this high crime and admitting to it, Mr. Berger was ...sentenced to death by hanging...... Yeah, I wish. Two years probation and a $50K fine. Seems fair to me. I am confident any other citizen would have received the same. Just a simple "mishandling" of documents. No big deal.
Of course, we still do not know WHAT was on the documents and WHY they warranted these shenanigans. There's the story. Where's the investigative press? Hmmmmm?
Incredible! Sandy Burglar, after a brief suspension, gets to keep his security clearance! Good Lord!
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
September 11, 2006: Marion Barry Detained By Police
August 7, 2006: Barry Facing More Legal Woes
May 12, 2006: Police: Former Mayor Fails Field Sobriety Test
March 9, 2006: Marion Barry Sentenced On Tax Charges
February 27, 2006: Barry Shows Off Gasifier Machine
February 8, 2006: Federal Judge Postpones Barry Sentencing
February 7, 2006: Marion Barry Heads Back To Court
January 11, 2006: Marion Barry Fails Drug Test
January 3, 2006: Marion Barry Robbed At Gunpoint
November 11, 2005: Gasification Machine Removed From Anacostia Parking Lot
November 10, 2005: Energy Machine Demonstration Held Without Fireworks
November 10, 2005: D.C. Leaders Almost Go Toe-To-Toe
October 28, 2005: Marion Barry Pleads Guilty To Tax Charges
October 5, 2005: Mayor Offers Words Of Support For Barry
October 4, 2005: Barry To Plead Guilty For Failing To File Tax Returns
Monday, December 18, 2006
What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
What was so good about the neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?
It was wound up already.
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Who knew that Outgoing Senate Minority Leader/Incoming Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid studied medicine? Yup, Me either. However, with the future of Tim Johnson (D) South Dakota, hanging in the balance after his "stroke" on Tuesday ole Harry rushed to his bedside to, um, express support, extend condolences, size him up and well.....protect his 51-49 Senate Majority. After his TWO visits ole Harry held a press conference to assure us that Senator Johnson "looks really good".....after having had brain surgery. Thank you, Dr. Reid.
I'm with Uncle Rush on this one...I believe ole Harry will keep the Senator on life support if he has too......just to maintain his 51-49 majority.
Please keep Tim Johnson and his family in your prayers. Do what you will with ole Harry.
UPDATE: 1:00 pm PST
Senator Joe Lieberman (I) Conn, call your office. Your stock is sky rocketing.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Well Chrissie Hynde was unavailable for comment. However, we here at the Chronicles feel it is a great day when any gun control law is repealed. Having said that, the Republican lead Senate in the state of Ohio overturned a veto by the Republican Governor, Bob Taft, LOOSENING gun control laws. (hmmm didn’t we have a President by that name.....but, I digress)
Still with me? That's right, the "Ohio Senate yesterday joined the House in overriding Gov. Bob Taft's veto of a concealed-carry law that effectively wipes out Columbus' assault-weapons ban and about 80 other local gun laws.Without debate and with vital help from three Democrats, the GOP-controlled Senate voted 21-12 for the override."
Yes!....Local gun control struck down, 2nd Amendment alive and well in Ohio. Despite the best "aim" of the Governor. Maybe now they will support National Ammo Day!
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
The Little Angel .....
on the Top of the Christmas Tree!
We here at the Chronicles embrace the Holidaze. Thus, each year a Christmas, (Yes, Christmas) Story is in order. Here's one of the Rumbear's favorites.
One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit; this stressed Santa even more.When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out at heaven knows where. More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the liquor and there was nothing to drink.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffeepot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made of. Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?
Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the tree.
Monday, December 11, 2006
Why was Santa's little helper depressed? Because he had low elf esteem.
Scrooge loves all the reindeer equally, because every buck is dear to him.
Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel. Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the floor. Which one picked it up? Santa of course, because the other two don't exist!
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
“The moon was the inspiration for the Islamic crescent symbol,” said CAIR spokesman Ibrahim Hooper, “By all rights, Islam should be the official religion of the moon, but we’re willing to tolerate diversity, for the time being, in exchange for protection of our civil rights.”
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Each December we here at the Chronicles like to reflect on the year and peruse the books that have been read. Seems Da Bear selects a topic and dives in. Last year it was Teddy Roosevelt (6 books in 7 weeks). This year Da Bear went on a Bush Pilot reading extravaganza. Good Lord willing the float plane rating will come in the new year. But, I digress. So here's my list for 2006. Recommendations are marked with a "**" What have you read?
America Alone: The End of the World as We Know It; Mark Steyn
Bush Planes and Pilots; Dan McCaffrey
The Immortal Beaver: Greatest Bush Plane; Sean Rossiter
Northern Flight of Dreams; James Whitesett
Success on the Step, The Kenmore Air Story; C. Marin Faure **
My Year As a Bush Pilot; Richard Brantner
Guide to Bush Flying: Techniques for the Pro; F. E. Potts
Artic Bush Pilot; James Anderson
Flying the Alaska Wild; Mort Mason **
Wager With The Wind; James Greinar
A Pirate Looks At Fifty; Jimmy Buffet
Teen Proofing; John Rosemond
When People Are Big and God is Small; Edward T. Welch
The Colony : True Story of the Exiles of Molokai; John Tayman **
Million Dollar Consulting; Alan Weiss
My Dog Marley; Marley?
Theodore Roosevelt And World Order; James R. Holmes
No Ordinary Time: The Roosevelt's; Doris Kearns Goodwin
Politically Incorrect Guide to American History; Thomas Woods
Racing Rules of Sailing Through 2008; Dave Perry
The Ecological Indian: Myth and History; Shepard Krech
The Real Jimmy Carter: Our Worst Ex-President; Steven Hayward
Integrity; Stephen Carter
The Bunny Suicides; Andy Riley
Return of the Bunny Suicides; Andy Riley
Monday, December 04, 2006
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F-16 Fighting Falcon
You are an F-16. You love to flaunt your slick appearance, but aren't afraid to get your hands dirty, either. You can outmaneuver any of your contemporaries, and you possess a technological edge. And above all, you are a true showman.
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Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.
Won't all that soot make him sick? No. He's had his flue shot.
Christmess: Five minutes after the gifts are opened.
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missile-Toe.
Friday, December 01, 2006
Thursday, November 30, 2006
we learn that Senator Elect James Webb is a tough, no-nonsense guy. He sure gave it to Bush when "43" had the audacity to inquire as to how the younger Webb, stationed in Iraq, was doing. More boorish behaviour in Congress. That's what we need.
I did learn this interesting factoid while perusing the history of Senator Elect Webb. He attended the Naval Academy with none other than Oliver North. Seems they met in a boxing match .... young Mr. North reportedly opened a can of whup a-- and "prevailed" in the match. Just another reason to admire ..... Ollie North.
Da Bear sits here today pondering, I wonder who will be the last to leave Baghdad? In the Vietnam Conflict that disconcerting title belonged MGySgt John J. Valdez. A brave man, he was the last to leave the roof of the US Embassy in Saigon on the day we “won” the peace in Viet Nam. Now we wait, with bated breath, the world-renowned Baker Commission report that will tell us how the United States will “win” in Iraq. Here is a snipet from one of the participants, Cliff May:
I’ve been a member of the “expert” advisory group of the Baker/Hamilton panel. The frustration I and a few others faced: We thought our task was to develop options to move forward in Iraq. Most of our colleagues thought the task was to develop options to move out of Iraq.
In other words, the few hawks (or conservatives or neo-cons or whatever you want to call them) were arguing not for “victory” as Bush once envisioned it (Iraq as a shining city on the Middle Eastern hill) but against accepting defeat at the hands of such groups al Qaeda in Iraq and Saddam loyalists, against lamely attempting to disguise defeat as “redeployment” or “an exit strategy.” At the very least, we implored, let’s imagine and plan for the likely consequences of American defeat. That was derided as subscribing to the “domino theory.”
The Foreign Policy Establishment types who dominate the Iraq Study Group had opposed the war from the start and, in my view, mostly wanted to send Bush this message: “Idiot! We told you so!”
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Victor Davis Hanson spanks another one out of the park today.
By past definitions of relative power, al-Qaeda and its epigones were weak and could not defeat the West militarily. But their genius was knowing of our own self-loathing, of our inability to determine their evil from our good, of our mistaken belief that Islamists were confused about, rather than intent to destroy, the West, and most of all, of our own terror that we might lose, if even for a brief moment, the enjoyment of our good life to defeat the terrorists. In learning what the Islamists are, many of us, and for the first time, are also learning what we are not. And in fighting these fascists, we are to learn whether our freedom can prove stronger than their suicide belts and improvised explosive devices.
So we have been given a reprieve of sorts with this war, to regroup; and, in our enemies, to see our own past failings and present challenges; and to rediscover our strengths and remember our origins. We can relearn that we are not fighting for George Bush or Wal-Mart alone, but also for the very notion of the Enlightenment--and, yes, in the Christian sense for the good souls of those among us who have forgotten all that as they censor cartoons and compare American soldiers to Nazis.
Go here and read the entire thing….join the Enlightenment.
Monday, November 27, 2006
Ah! Christmas! The one day of the year we can all say our children are truly gifted!
What do reindeer say before they tell a joke? This will sleigh you.
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve!
People who tell jokes on December 25 might be called Christmas Cards!
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Monday, November 20, 2006
He ate so much over the holidays that he decided to quit cold turkey.
There was a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab center that said 'Keep off the Grass'.
The plastic surgeon put his patient's nose to the grindstone.
Friday, November 17, 2006
Get a HUMMER!
Just one more reason to get a Hummer. These guys actually sat down and figured out the TOTAL cost of a vehicle over it's lifetime. It seeems those nasty ole SUV's did pretty good over the long haul.
For example, while the industry average of all vehicles sold in the U.S. in 2005 was $2.28 cents per mile, the Hummer H3 (among most SUVs) was only $1.949 cents per mile. That figure is also lower than all currently offered hybrids and Honda Civics at $2.42 per mile.
The Rumbear is doing his part by stocking the family fleet with SUV's. Now it's your turn. It's Aloha Friday...go get yourself a Hummer!
Thursday, November 16, 2006
"I have the votes"
Vote tally 149-86, Hoyer wins.
Electing Hoyer will stand as a remarkable moment of lucidity for the new overlords of the country. However, Murtha feels he was robbed.....
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Big Thumbs Down!
As Tallyrand reportedly said about the last Bourbon rulers of France: "They have learned nothing and forgotten nothing."
A message was sent this past Tuesday. You heard it. I heard it. While we may debate the interpretation, the actions of each party afterward are of note. My take is that the folks in the middle told the Republicans "Enough. Leave." I do not believe they said "We want Democrats!" It was simply a case of "We do not want you." Maybe some time for reflection and a review of the failed policy. Yeah, right. Let us look at the past week and reflect...Ken Mehlman out as RNC chair replaced by Mel Martinez. "Our" president scurrying to be part of the "in" crowd and offering immigration as the olive branch. Compromise on immigration...we KNOW what Bush wants. Finally today, we learn that Trent "I Love Pork" Lott is back as in a Senate leadership post. The message from the GOP is perfectly clear, get ready for more of the same!
The country has had enough of "Compassionate Conservatism". The GOP leadership has not. John Hawkins has a great piece up today on the current course of the GOP leadership. He states:
In other words, if you're looking for signs that the GOP is getting back to its conservative roots in Washington, there aren't many to be seen right now. That's bad news because this election wasn't about it being the "Democrats' turn" to take power or about liberals fooling people by pretending to be moderates, it was a referendum on the sort of big government Republicanism that has taken root in Washington—and the verdict on "compassionate conservatism" turned out to be a big thumbs down.
Maybe the Republicans do need another "thumpin" in 2008. Unless they once again show they are the party of Ronald Reagan that will probably be the case.
....and then we have the Democrats. John Murtha.....ahh, never mind. I just don't have the stomach for it, yet.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Monday, November 13, 2006
Well color me green and register my vote! Nuclear power is all the rage as an "alternative" to the current power choices that are damaging our environment. Be it Global Warming or Global Cooling the lefties are starting to squabble about what to substitute for those evil carbon based power sources. None other than James Lovelock has chimed in stating:
"We live in a nuclear-powered universe. We're the oddballs by getting energy from burning carbon.
"My justification of nuclear power is that we've reached a stage now where the dire things that threaten us are so great that even the results of an all-out nuclear war pale into insignificance as unimportant compared to what's going to happen."
Well, maybe it's time to start the construction. This would keep the US from exploiting that Alaskan slope reserves and the wandering elk would be eternally grateful. Maybe we could blow the moth balls out of Rancho Seco and get in the fastlane towards nuclear energy!
Boy, it's fun to watch as the left tries to lead instead of .........just what were they doing?
Yes, I'm feeling prescient.......
Seven days without puns makes one weak.
If puns are outlawed, only outlaws will have puns.
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, his nurse said, "No change yet."
Friday, November 10, 2006
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Arizona 5th district is still in play. Seems a number of provisional ballots are yet to be counted. (200,000!?) Our pal J. D. Hayworth is still in the hunt.
"Latest news on Mitchell/Hayworth race is that J.D. Hayworth is not conceding defeat, and Harry Mitchell is not declaring victory until all provisional ballots are counted. And there are a lot of provisional ballots out there, we are hearing. So hold tight."
William F. Buckley sends this missive from the manor on the elections:
“We heard from the solid base of conservatives who identify good government with the Republican Party. They spoke their opposition to a president who has not once used his constitutional power to resist spendthrift measures by Congress. He has not accosted directly, let alone relieved, the problems raised by helter-skelter immigration laws. And he simply gave up on reforming a Social Security system which cannot fulfill its commitments.
What this has meant is a dissociation from the normal allegiance a democratic republic feels for its duly elected leadership. And that dissociation was written by the voters’ feet, making indelible marks on the sand.”
Will the party listen?
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Hey! Where did all the lawyers go?! The Democrats win and there is absolutely no voter fraud? What a coincidence.......
Well, that was fun. The Democrats have the House and looks like the Senate. The USS Compassionate Conservative just took a torpedo..... in the ammunitions magazine. Good riddance for that ole barge. Bush 43 has accomplished precisely what Bush 41 did, steer the Republican ship of state on to the rocks. 41 paved the way for Clinton, 43 has given us Pelosi et al. Can "Hillary in 08" be far behind? There's you reality for the day. Time to shake off the loss and look ahead.
We now get to see what exactly the Democrat plan is for the next two years. They have to lead, not just sit on the sidelines and snipe. That will take some fortitude. With the cast of thieves and reprobates they have lined up as committee chairs, I have my doubts. We shall see.
Cinch up your helmet and hunker down. The shock and awe part of the game is about to start. OOooga Chaka, indeed.
UPDATE: Just when you think.....
"Senate Maj. Leader Harry Reid"
I continue to take solace in the fact that voter fraud has been banished from our great country. Who knew?
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
California Voter Controversy?!!
"Every election, each voter in California gets a little oval sticker that says "I voted" so you can explain to your boss why you're two hours late. Today, there are widespread reports that the stickers aren't as sticky as usual, with more than a few complaints that the corners are coming up, or in one extreme instance, the entire sticker blew off in a mild breeze. Accusations have ...." go here for the rest of the story.
and .......they're off! Boy that did'nt take long! The lawsuits are a flying and the lawyers are doing what they love...billing time! Quoting “We’re not going to make the mistake we did last time, which was to wait until after the election for litigation,” said Chris Redfern, chairman of the Ohio Democratic Party. Well heck no Chris, why wait for something like facts to support your suit. We can get those pesky facts later! Probably find em on e-bay. (Facts: 13, cents per dozen!)
The headline on the DrudgeReport is changing faster than the counter at your local gas pump. Here's a quick look....
The first lawsuit is out of Indiana. The polls have been ordered to remain open. In Kentucky a poll worker has been arrested for "choking" a voter. Them good ole boys take their voting seriously. In Florida the voters were given the wrong ballot. Well, hang my chad! That's serious down there as these are the same folks that could not punch that little piece of cardboard sufficiently to register a vote last time.
Then we learn that the Feds have sent election monitors throughout the country. What's up with that? Jimmy Carter, call yur office! Let's put that old fool to work.
Stay tuned folks, it's gonna get weird.........OOooga Chaka.......
Monday, November 06, 2006
Did you hear about the butcher who backed into his meat grinder & got a little behind in his work?
Baby seal walks into a club. What a tragedy.
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
Election Tuesday to be followed by Lawsuit Wednesday! Make sure those retainers are paid up...the lawsuits a coming!
Back on October 19th we here at the chronicles heard the rustling of paper and predicted...
"Mark my words folks. The seeds are planted and maturing nicely. The lawsuits are a coming. Lawyers in love......."
Well the crop of lawsuits is about to be harvested. The final pieces are being put in to place so as to set the stage for them lawsuits. Robert Kuttner in the Boston Globe-Democrat tills the soil with.....
"[U]nless there are levels of theft and fraud that would truly mean the end of American democracy, a Democratic House seems as close to a sure thing as we ever get in American politics three days before an election... November 2006 will be remembered either as the time American democracy was stolen again, maybe forever, or began a brighter day. "
Stolen again? Get it? Michael Graham sums up the foregoing nicely in his article on the Democrat aspirations entitled "Either We Win or YOU Cheated!"
Start your Tuesday off right. Go vote, then take your lawyer to breakfast. It may be your last chance to see him/her for awhile. They will be busy the next few weeks doing what they love.
Friday, November 03, 2006
While visiting his niece, an elderly man had a heart attack. The woman drove wildly to get him to the emergency room.After what seemed like a very long wait, the ER doctor appeared, wearing his scrubs and a long face. Sadly, he said, "I'm afraid that your uncle's brain is dead, but his heart is still beating.""Oh, dear," cried the woman, her hands clasped against her cheeks with shock. "We've never had a Democrat in the family before!"