Saturday, December 30, 2006
Saddam Hussien is dead.
Ramsey Clark is unemployed.
That's two good things!
Varifrank has the headline "Saddam Disagreed With Bush About Invading Iraq - MSM" Hey, hey.....
However, I believe ole Lex sets the right tone for this event in history. (Bookmark his site...it's always a good read.)
There is no need for us to take any kind of pleasure in this death, nor to feel compelled to issue any predictions about what the future might bring, but we should at least allow ourselves a certain degree of satisfaction that the closing of this particularly brutal chapter in the annals of human governance represents a step forward along the pathway of human progress.
Progress........the river is slow, but the earth is patient.
Friday, December 29, 2006
Thursday, December 28, 2006
During these serious times, people of all faiths should remember these 4 religious truths:
1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people
2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah
3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.
4. Mormons do not recognize each other at Hooters.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
A Zen Master walks up to a hot-dog seller, and says: "Make me one with everything."
How do you get down from an elephant? You don't, you get down from a duck.
At the rum factory loading dock, all of the workers speak in verse. It shows that rhymes fly when you're heaving rum.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Friday, December 22, 2006
39 THINGS YOU SHOULD'VE LEARNED BY NOW
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel sogood.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a biscuit in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize amistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy fridge.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25. It's not the jeans that make your butt look fat.
26. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, & never will achieve, its full potential, that wordwould be "meetings".
27. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".
28. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
29. You should not confuse your career with your life.
30. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
31. Never lick a steak knife.
32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we put the clocks back.
34. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
35. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
36. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
37. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
38. Your friends love you anyway.
39. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
"GOOD MORNING, WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA "
"Press "1" if you speak English."
"Press '2' to disconnect until you can
Remember the Ex Clinton National Security Advisor, you know, the one caught sneaking "highly classified" documents out of the National Archives? Yeah Sandy Berger, (Burgler?) that's him. Well the details of his cloak and dagger methods are coming out. After secreting the documents in his pockets and socks he wandered out a side door for a "break" from his grueling work of reviewing documents. Seems he deposited the purloined papers in a nearby construction site. He then retrieved the papers upon leaving the archives after a long day involving the "mishandling of classified information". At least that's what he plead guilty to.
Having committed this high crime and admitting to it, Mr. Berger was ...sentenced to death by hanging...... Yeah, I wish. Two years probation and a $50K fine. Seems fair to me. I am confident any other citizen would have received the same. Just a simple "mishandling" of documents. No big deal.
Of course, we still do not know WHAT was on the documents and WHY they warranted these shenanigans. There's the story. Where's the investigative press? Hmmmmm?
Incredible! Sandy Burglar, after a brief suspension, gets to keep his security clearance! Good Lord!
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
September 11, 2006: Marion Barry Detained By Police
August 7, 2006: Barry Facing More Legal Woes
May 12, 2006: Police: Former Mayor Fails Field Sobriety Test
March 9, 2006: Marion Barry Sentenced On Tax Charges
February 27, 2006: Barry Shows Off Gasifier Machine
February 8, 2006: Federal Judge Postpones Barry Sentencing
February 7, 2006: Marion Barry Heads Back To Court
January 11, 2006: Marion Barry Fails Drug Test
January 3, 2006: Marion Barry Robbed At Gunpoint
November 11, 2005: Gasification Machine Removed From Anacostia Parking Lot
November 10, 2005: Energy Machine Demonstration Held Without Fireworks
November 10, 2005: D.C. Leaders Almost Go Toe-To-Toe
October 28, 2005: Marion Barry Pleads Guilty To Tax Charges
October 5, 2005: Mayor Offers Words Of Support For Barry
October 4, 2005: Barry To Plead Guilty For Failing To File Tax Returns
Monday, December 18, 2006
What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
What was so good about the neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?
It was wound up already.
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Who knew that Outgoing Senate Minority Leader/Incoming Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid studied medicine? Yup, Me either. However, with the future of Tim Johnson (D) South Dakota, hanging in the balance after his "stroke" on Tuesday ole Harry rushed to his bedside to, um, express support, extend condolences, size him up and well.....protect his 51-49 Senate Majority. After his TWO visits ole Harry held a press conference to assure us that Senator Johnson "looks really good".....after having had brain surgery. Thank you, Dr. Reid.
I'm with Uncle Rush on this one...I believe ole Harry will keep the Senator on life support if he has too......just to maintain his 51-49 majority.
Please keep Tim Johnson and his family in your prayers. Do what you will with ole Harry.
UPDATE: 1:00 pm PST
Senator Joe Lieberman (I) Conn, call your office. Your stock is sky rocketing.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Well Chrissie Hynde was unavailable for comment. However, we here at the Chronicles feel it is a great day when any gun control law is repealed. Having said that, the Republican lead Senate in the state of Ohio overturned a veto by the Republican Governor, Bob Taft, LOOSENING gun control laws. (hmmm didn’t we have a President by that name.....but, I digress)
Still with me? That's right, the "Ohio Senate yesterday joined the House in overriding Gov. Bob Taft's veto of a concealed-carry law that effectively wipes out Columbus' assault-weapons ban and about 80 other local gun laws.Without debate and with vital help from three Democrats, the GOP-controlled Senate voted 21-12 for the override."
Yes!....Local gun control struck down, 2nd Amendment alive and well in Ohio. Despite the best "aim" of the Governor. Maybe now they will support National Ammo Day!
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
The Little Angel .....
on the Top of the Christmas Tree!
We here at the Chronicles embrace the Holidaze. Thus, each year a Christmas, (Yes, Christmas) Story is in order. Here's one of the Rumbear's favorites.
One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit; this stressed Santa even more.When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out at heaven knows where. More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the liquor and there was nothing to drink.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffeepot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made of. Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?
Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the tree.
Monday, December 11, 2006
Why was Santa's little helper depressed? Because he had low elf esteem.
Scrooge loves all the reindeer equally, because every buck is dear to him.
Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel. Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the floor. Which one picked it up? Santa of course, because the other two don't exist!
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
“The moon was the inspiration for the Islamic crescent symbol,” said CAIR spokesman Ibrahim Hooper, “By all rights, Islam should be the official religion of the moon, but we’re willing to tolerate diversity, for the time being, in exchange for protection of our civil rights.”
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Each December we here at the Chronicles like to reflect on the year and peruse the books that have been read. Seems Da Bear selects a topic and dives in. Last year it was Teddy Roosevelt (6 books in 7 weeks). This year Da Bear went on a Bush Pilot reading extravaganza. Good Lord willing the float plane rating will come in the new year. But, I digress. So here's my list for 2006. Recommendations are marked with a "**" What have you read?
America Alone: The End of the World as We Know It; Mark Steyn
Bush Planes and Pilots; Dan McCaffrey
The Immortal Beaver: Greatest Bush Plane; Sean Rossiter
Northern Flight of Dreams; James Whitesett
Success on the Step, The Kenmore Air Story; C. Marin Faure **
My Year As a Bush Pilot; Richard Brantner
Guide to Bush Flying: Techniques for the Pro; F. E. Potts
Artic Bush Pilot; James Anderson
Flying the Alaska Wild; Mort Mason **
Wager With The Wind; James Greinar
A Pirate Looks At Fifty; Jimmy Buffet
Teen Proofing; John Rosemond
When People Are Big and God is Small; Edward T. Welch
The Colony : True Story of the Exiles of Molokai; John Tayman **
Million Dollar Consulting; Alan Weiss
My Dog Marley; Marley?
Theodore Roosevelt And World Order; James R. Holmes
No Ordinary Time: The Roosevelt's; Doris Kearns Goodwin
Politically Incorrect Guide to American History; Thomas Woods
Racing Rules of Sailing Through 2008; Dave Perry
The Ecological Indian: Myth and History; Shepard Krech
The Real Jimmy Carter: Our Worst Ex-President; Steven Hayward
Integrity; Stephen Carter
The Bunny Suicides; Andy Riley
Return of the Bunny Suicides; Andy Riley
Monday, December 04, 2006
|What military aircraft are you? |
F-16 Fighting Falcon
You are an F-16. You love to flaunt your slick appearance, but aren't afraid to get your hands dirty, either. You can outmaneuver any of your contemporaries, and you possess a technological edge. And above all, you are a true showman.
|Click Here to Take This Quiz|
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Won't all that soot make him sick? No. He's had his flue shot.
Christmess: Five minutes after the gifts are opened.
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missile-Toe.